Matthew's Birthday: A Novelization
by GrandpaJoeProductionFanfiction
Summary: Continuation of Cherryline101's "Total Drama University." Crossover with The Othersiders. In the days leading up to Matthew Litman's fifth birthday, his father Riley must help his friend Duncan patch up things with his old friends. Also, will Matthew get into trouble with Duncan's kids and their friends?
1. No Duncan, You Cannot Borrow 500 Grand

On a March morning in the main dining room of The Othersiders Mansion, five people are sitting at the table, eating their breakfast quietly with the only noise being their chews, sips, and the sounds of silverware lightly hitting porcelain dishes. Out of nowhere one of the Othersiders, Sam, a tall, slim, light-skinned, dark haired man, turned to his wife Jackie, a slightly shorter woman of Chinese descent with lightly tanned skin and dark hair, and decided to have a conversation with her.

Sam looked at her and asked, "Did you know that ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of Vodka?"

"Oh, cool," Jackie responded.

After that odd conversation the couple decided to go back to eating their breakfast, returning the dining room to its original level of quietness. All that came to an end when the owner of the mansion, Riley, a tall, fit man with brown hair, came into the dining room arguing with his friend Duncan, another tall, fit man, with dark hair and teal eyes.

Riley looked back at his friend and screamed, "No Duncan, you cannot borrow 500 grand!"

"Gees, I thought you would be more grateful to the person who saved your and your friends and family's asses nearly 6 years ago," Duncan remarked as an attempt to gain sympathy.

"I am grateful, I just don't want you to waste all of my money?"

"What, all your money?! You're the richest man in the world!"

"Well, I guess you're right. Wait, what happened to the money I gave you last week?"

It was at this point that Duncan decided that he would have to stay in the room for a while to explain his predicament. Duncan pulled up the chair at the end of the dining table while Riley sat at the end of the long side of the table.

"Oh yeah, I used some of that money to settle a lawsuit from _CCTV News_. Remember when I was interviewed by Tian Wei? Well, apparently you can say that Mao Zedong was an asshole that turned to the dark side, but god forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. As for the rest of the money, I used it to pay some of your guys to bring Sydney Newman back from the dead. I tried to get him to explain _Doctor Who_ to me but it failed. Explain to me how can your wife's parents be your best friends and your time machine?"

Leaning back in his chair Riley told Duncan, "You know, the Mullards are about 2,400 miles west of here and the Lopezes are about 2,500 miles east of here."

Duncan looked at Riley with a confused look on his face and asked, "So?"

"So, I think you could bother them with your problems."

"No, I don't think so. We had a falling out a while back and we haven't talked since."

Realizing that he was getting nowhere with Riley, Duncan decided to leave the dining room and get onto other important issues.

"Fine. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make a call," Duncan said.

Riley looked at him and asked, "Wait, what kind of call?"

"Just a call," Duncan said before he walked away.

Soon after Duncan exited the room, Jackie got up from her chair and did the same, exposing her baby bump that formed after nine months of pregnancy.

Sam observed Jackie as she walked away, telling the Litman family in a scoffing manner, "Goddamn, she's gotten fat."

Once Sam left the dining room as well, the Litman family was in the clear to make any comment they wanted.

"My god, I can't believe Sam doesn't know yet," Kc, a Blonde woman and Riley's wife said.

Riley turned to his wife and asked, "Yeah, how do you think he's going to respond when the baby comes?"

The words "when the baby comes" angered Riley's son, Matthew, a four year old boy with fair skin, Blond hair, and blue eyes. He despised the fact that he would no longer be "the baby of the mansion" as Jackie said when she told him she was pregnant.

Matthew looked away from his parents and whispered in an angry and annoyed tone, "Pfft, new baby."

Matthew thought he was being quiet when he was whispering, but his whisper got his parents attention.

Riley looked at his son and asked, "Matthew do you have anything to say?"

"Well, I did my part of my birthday invitation list," Matthew said reminding his parents that he did what they asked of him awhile back.

Now looking back at his wife, Riley came up with a plan to keep Duncan from annoying him anymore than he had already done.

"Hey, maybe we could invite Duncan's old friends and they could make up," Riley told Kc.

Kc quickly thought it over and agreed by responding, "That's a great idea, I'll send them an invitation."

The Litmans followed the examples of Duncan and the Hirschs before them, leaving the dining room when they were done. The dining room was now completely void of people, except for one, Zack. The light skinned, dirty blond haired apprentice of Duncan sat at the end of the dining table eating his breakfast alone after observing all of the conversations that took place that morning.

Zack sat in his chair, finishing his breakfast, when he rhetorically asked, "How did we go from Duncan to Jackie and back to Duncan again?"


	2. Just How Much Ass Are We Talking About?

We find ourselves in a New York apartment complex in lower Manhattan where one of the tenants, Trent Lopez, makes his way to his mailbox. He hadn't checked his mailbox for quite a while now, meaning that it was overflowing with weeks of unopened mail. He pulled a key from his pocket and began to sort the contents from the box into piles.

Trent said as he sorted his mail, "Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills."

One envelope stood out to Trent, he grabbed it to open and exam it and commented, "An envelope leaking some sort of white powder."

"I should probably go to the doctor's after this," he said in a neutral as he threw the envelope into one of his piles.

Trent continued sorting his mail, saying, "Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, invitation to the greatest birthday party of all time, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills."

Even though there was still more mail in the mailbox, Trent suddenly stopped sorting his mail and exclaimed, "Wait, Invitation to the greatest birthday party of all time!"

He rummaged through one of his piles, pulled out the invitation to read it, and ran upstairs screaming, "Gwen, kids, pack your bags!"

A similar situation played on the other side of the country. On a beachside home in a Honolulu suburb a Blonde woman gave a child a surfing lesson. Inside the house, Geoff Mullard sat on his couch watching TV when a man in military uniform walked up next to him, handed him an envelope, and said, "Sir, this came for you."

"Thanks," Geoff said as the military officer left his home.

He opened the envelope, read the letter, and said, "Mmm party, rad."

He walked over to the window to ask his wife Bridgette a question as she told her student, "Now, I want you to pick yourself up like this."

Geoff got to the window and asked, "Hey Bridgette, we're free for a while, right?"

"Yup," Bridgette replied as she got off the floor, grabbed her surfboard, and ran towards the house.

Her careless actions showed up when she ran towards her house carrying her surfboard. Her board hit the kid, sending him flying into the ocean. Luckily, the kid knew how to swim, unfortunately, a Shark jumped out of the water and swallowed the kid whole before he could even hit the water.

Back in California, Duncan sat in the living room of the Othersiders Mansion making a call, just like he told everyone in the morning.

He held the phone close to his head as he asked, "Just how much ass are we talking about?"

Riley snuck up on Duncan and overheard the conversation, forcing him to ask, "What?"

Duncan quickly hung up the call and looked over at Riley and nervously said, "Nothing."

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that we invited your old friends to Matthew's birthday party," Riley said letting Duncan know what he and Kc did.

Duncan stopped Riley from continuing to speak by asking in a whining tone, "Oh damn it, why?"

"Because you're going to make up with your friends so you can bother them and not us."

"Well, something tells me they won't be coming," Duncan said in an attempt to both justify and ignore the actions of his friend.


	3. I Wasn't Trying To Get Lauren Pregnant!

It has just passed midnight in Honolulu and the Mullard family was getting ready to head to the airport. The family had packed their luggage a few hours before their flight left but both the kids, Bailey and Freddie went to sleep. Geoff and Bridgette did not go to sleep as to be so tired they would fall asleep on the plane. Once time had come to leave, Geoff and Bridgette woke their daughter and then proceeded to their son's room to wake him up too.

Geoff went over to his son's bed and said as he shook his son, "Freddie, Freddie, wake up."

Yawning and looking at the clock on his nightstand, Freddie asked, "Ah, why are you waking me up at midnight?"

"Well, we have to get to the airport," Bridgette said in an annoyed tone because she expected her son to forget that their flight would leave before sunrise.

"Okay," Freddie mumbled as he got out of his bed.

An hour earlier, a similar event transpired with the Lopez family on the other side of the country. It was four in the morning and the entire family had gone into the room of the eldest son, Nathan, to wake him up.

Nathan talked in his sleep, whispering, "Mmm, Lauren you like that, well why don't I..."

Trent went up to his son, shook him, and said, "Nathan, come on."

Trent's shake both awoke and frightened Nathan, causing him to scream pretty fast, "Mister Coleman, I wasn't trying to get Lauren pregnant!"

With a confused look on his face, Trent dismissed his son's comments and commanded, "What, Nathan? Whatever, come on, we're late."

In an almost synchronized motion, both families proceeded to do similar routines. Once everyone was awake and ready to go, both families headed to the airport. The Mullards headed towards Honolulu International Airport to catch their flight. The Lopez family headed to John F. Kennedy International Airport in Queens. Both families' flights had been paid by Riley as an incentive for coming, thus giving them no reason to decline the invitation. The experience of the Mullard family was less hectic then that of the Lopezes. Even though they had to go through all of the same time-consuming safety precautions that all flyers must go through, the Lopezes had to go through all those same precautions in one of the busiest airports in one of the biggest cities in the world.

At six in the morning, the Lopez family left New York on their _Delta_ flight, while one hour later, at two in the morning local time, the Mullard family finally got up in the air on their _Hawaiian Airlines_ flight. The Lopezes flew on a Boeing 757 while the Mullards flew on an Airbus A330. Both families flew first class and were both scheduled to arrive between nine and ten in the morning. All of them caught up on sleep during the flight and arrived in California well rested. The flights arrived a few minutes apart and both families met up in their respective boarding gates once they made it off the plane and the jet bridge.

In the boarding gate where the Mullards stood, Geoff said, "Let's get our bags and meet our chauffer."

In another boarding gate, the Lopezes stood as Trent said, "Let's get our bags and meet our chauffer."

Both families made their way to the baggage claim designated on their tickets and on the monitors mounted all over the airport. The families maneuvered through the crowd of hundreds of other travelers in this particular section of this large airport, and with some stroke of luck encountered each other. In the styling of sitcoms, they each called out one person's name when they first noticed them.

"Trent," Geoff said.

"Geoff," Trent said.

"Gwen," Bridgette said.

"Bridgette," Gwen said

"Bailey," Nathan said.

"Nathan," Bailey said.

"Freddie," Andrew said.

"Andrew," Freddie said.

Trent, clearly still confused about what was happening, asked, "What are you doing here?"

"We're here for that Litman kid's birthday," Geoff responded.

"Us too," Trent replied.

The two families continued looking at each other, trying to figure out what was happening, until an airport worker came up to them and said, "Your Luggage, sirs."

"Oh, thank you," Trent said as he took the cart with his family's luggage.

He looked around, and commented on the number of people in the airport, "Man this place is packed."

The airport worker, dressed in his blue uniform and a red cap, responded "Yeah, and It's only going to get busier when the world's most important people arrive for Matthew Litman's birthday."

Taken by what the airport worker had just said, Trent replied, "Hey, that's where we're going."

"Cool, maybe I'll see you there."

Even more confused now, Trent asked, "Oh, you're going?"

"Yeah," the airport worker said.

Trent said as he stuck his hand out to shake the hand of the airport worker, "I'm Trent Lopez."

"Geoff Mullard," Geoff said as he extended his hand out as well.

"Fred Jones," the airport worker replied as he shucked both Trent and Geoff's hands.

Fred guided both families towards the exit as he called out, "Come on, your ride is out in front."

All of them walked through the airport hallways, passed the terminal lobby, and made it to the sidewalk outside the terminal. All you could hear outside were the engines and horns of cars, people either leaving, arriving, or there to drop off or pick up someone, and the sounds of planes landing for arrival or taking off for their destinations all over the world. Riley arranged for one of his drivers to pick up the Lopezes and Mullards at the airport in a limousine, to his guests surprise.

Once Andrew saw the limousine parked by the sidewalk, he excitedly screamed, "Oh cool, a limo! I call shotgun!"


	4. This is 'Merica!

Both families rode the limo out of the airport, throughout the city, and all the way to the Othersiders Mansion. They had all heard of the mansion, it was a world-renowned structure and home to the richest and virtually most powerful man in the world, Riley Litman. Once the limo made it through the city, the families found themselves on a road with an oceanside view. The limo made a few stops at a few checkpoints that looked like the ones you would find in military instillations. Luckily, the driver had clearance to skip the checkpoints, meaning that they wouldn't have to spend so much time going through each stop. Eventually, the limo passed the last checkpoint and made its way to one of the many entrances of the Othersiders Mansion.

Many different fountains and gardens surrounded the area, giving off an even larger sense of life and extravagance. Even though it was March the flowers bloomed brightly. This happened all year long as Riley had invested into different technologies that could keep the plants alive all throughout the year. The limo pulled up to an entrance where a group of servants arrived to give a warm welcome to the families. While a separate group brought their luggage to their rooms, another group brought everyone inside. The inside of the mansion was just as they had expected, everything was so ornate and luxurious. Portraits of the Othersiders, their families, and other important people hung on the walls next to some of the world's most expensive artwork. Gwen in particular was taken away by all the different works in style used; she began to examine the artwork, finally putting her major in Art History to good use. She noted the different artists from different times, such as High Renaissance paintings by Leonardo da Vinci, Realism by Édouard Manet, and Cubism by Pablo Picasso.

Everyone's amazement with the mansion was temporarily brought to a halt when Riley appeared from the second floor.

He walked up to the balustrade of the interior balcony between the dual staircases and proclaimed, "Welcome Lopez and Mullard families to my home, The Othersiders Mansion."

"It's a pleasure to be here," Trent replied while staring up at Riley.

As Riley walked down one of the staircases en route to the Atrium, he said, "Well, you're probably wondering why I've called you here, especially since we've rarely had any communication."

"Yeah, I guess so," Trent responded.

"Now, don't get mad, and I hope you don't leave, but, I need you guys to make up with Duncan," Riley proposed

In an exaggerated disappointed fashion, Gwen whined, "Oh god, why?"

Riley had no other answer other than the one he replied with, "Because, he won't stop annoying me for stuff and he says that you and him are fighting. By the way, why are you fighting?"

Before anyone could answer Riley's question, Duncan, alongside his oldest daughter Lauren, appeared and mockingly said, "Well, well, well, you just had to come."

"Duncan, Riley invited us," Trent replied politely even though he had just been insulted.

Riley was getting nowhere with everyone arguing, causing him to intervene by saying, "Okay, Okay, everybody calm down. Now, can someone tell me why you guys are fighting?"

Duncan took a deep breath and held back his emotions as he said, "They told me to give up hope of Courtney and Catrina being alive.

With a confused look on his face, Riley screamed, "That's why you guys are fighting?!"

"Yeah, no bodies were found, they could have survived."

"Wait, Duncan, you told me that the car flipped over and caught on fire."

"So?"

"So, their bodies were incinerated."

"Let me take this in," said Duncan as he left the room, trying much harder to control his emotions than before.

Unlike her father, Lauren did not hold back her tears and screamed at everyone before running away crying, "My mommy and little sister are alive!"

With that confused look still on his face, Riley said, "Well, why don't I give you the tour of the mansion."

"That sounds great," Geoff said.

Riley replied, "Okay, come on."

For the next hour, Riley took the Mullards and Lopezes around his mansion, and ending the tour by asking, "So, did you enjoy the tour?"

"Yeah," Trent replied.

"I really enjoyed the Sauna in the North Wing on the first floor," Geoff added.

Riley, with a confused look on his face, said as he looked away from Trent and Geoff, "Wait, the Saunas in the North Wing are on the second floor."

"Holy crap, your skin is grey!" Riley screamed after he turned around and noticed that Trent and Geoff's skin tone had changed.

"Really? Well maybe that sauna was really a toxic gas chamber like the guard said," Geoff said before he and Trent fainted.

"Okay then. Matthew, why don't you show the kids to their room?" Matthew asked of his son.

"Okay, come on," Matthew said to the Lopez and Mullard kids.

As both Gwen and Bridgette pulled their husbands for medical attention, courtesy of Riley, Gwen remarked, "I guess we'll have to do that thing later."

As both the kids and the adults walked in different directions, Nathan turned to his younger brother, Andrew, and asked, "Hey Andrew, what do you think parents do in their rooms?"

Before Andrew could respond, Matthew jumped in and said, "Well, I'll tell you one thing mommies and daddies do in their bedrooms, and once I tell you you'll understand why I never go into Sam and Jackie's bedroom without knocking first."

Once all of the guests were settled in their rooms they all went their separate ways until dinnertime. Nathan was looking down at the first floor from the balcony in between two flights of stairs when all of a sudden his crush, Lauren, appeared out of the right corner of his eye.

As Lauren approached her longtime friend, she asked, "Hey, what are you doing out here?"

"Oh, hey Lauren. I'm just waiting for dinner," Nathan replied as he turned to the right to face her.

"Yeah, it should be good."

"Listen, I'm sorry for what you had to go through earlier, you know, about your mom and Catrina," Nathan said trying to comfort Lauren.

Unfortunately, Lauren was deeper in denial than her father, and she replied with what she had said many times for nearly the past eight years, "No, no, it's fine because they're alive, somewhere out there."

Nathan knew he had to change the subject fast because he couldn't bear to cause Lauren any pain, so he asked her the first thing that came to his mind, "So Lauren, do you consider yourself to be a patriot."

"Yeah, I'm a patriot of three countries," She replied.

"But you know which one I'm referring to?"

"I think I do."

"Well, I remember seeing on _Instagram_ that you have that flag. Do you have it with you?"

"I do, I have one here at the Othersiders Mansion."

"Well, why don't you bring it out here and we'll wave it around."

"Okay, I'll be back."

After a few minutes Lauren returned with the flag of the country Nathan was referring to, Canada. In the end, Nathan could not truly change the conversation from mothers since all he did was switch the conversation from Lauren's mother to the motherland.

Nevertheless, the two kids expressed their patriotic fervor by draping the flag of their country of origin over the balcony, waving it in the air with their hands, and screaming, "Canada! Canada!"

While Nathan and Lauren were celebrating their country, Riley, the owner of the mansion and an American, walked by.

Riley stopped to see who was making all that noise, and when he looked up to see Lauren waving the Canadian flag, he raised his arm and screamed, "Lauren, the fuck! This is 'Merica!"


	5. No More Calling Escorts

Later that afternoon, once the Lopezes and Mullards were settled into their room, everyone met up in the dining room for dinner. The long table, which usually remained empty, was nearly full with so many guests present. Riley, as the host, sat at the far end of the table next to the window. Trent sat to the right of Riley, and with Duncan not talking to Riley he got to know Trent and the others better.

"So let me get this straight, you didn't get to appear on the third season of _Total Drama_ because you and some other guys went out to get help?" Asked a confused Riley.

Annoyed with the mistake he made all those years ago that delayed getting back together with Gwen, Trent slowly replied, "Yep, pretty much."

"And then you found a house in the middle of nowhere and had to out run a nuclear blast?"

"Yeah, that happened."

"Damn, I knew Canada was developing nuclear weapons!" Screamed Riley.

Trent interrupted Riley and asked, "Wait, you must have seen _Total Drama_ before?"

"Yeah, Duncan showed it to us, but I dazed off a bit in the middle of the second season," Riley responded.

With Duncan as the center of the dinner conversation it was a bit surprising when he showed up in the dining room. There was an empty spot at the dinner table left for Duncan, no one was sure if he would show up since he was quite upset the last time the saw him, but they left the seat open just in case. Everyone was waiting for Duncan to take his seat, but instead he unraveled into a rant.

"Hey Riley, I just realized something, I was right all along. I don't have to except they're dead because I haven't seen a single body," Duncan said.

"Fine, do you want to eat?" Riley offered, trying to move the conversation away from Duncan's delusions.

"No, I got plans, see you later."

Once Duncan left the room, he became the center of conversation once again.

"And, he still can't accept the truth," Trent commented.

"Well, there has to be something we haven't tried yet," Riley replied.

"You do care for him, do you?"

"Well, yeah, but mostly because I'm going to have to deal with him anyways."

"Fair point."

"I know what, if we leave at eleven, we can be in Toronto by seven in the morning local time. Maybe seeing the spot where the accident occurred will bring him out of it."

"Yeah, that could work, I'm in," Trent replied.

"Count me in," added Geoff.

"Great it's settled I'll get my pilot get the jet ready for takeoff," Riley added.

Riley, Trent, and Geoff got ready to leave as soon as Duncan got back from his night out. The three of them brought Duncan along with them to Riley's personal helicopter waiting to take them to the airport where Riley's private jet waited for them. Duncan kept asking where they were going, but neither one of them would tell him. Once they made it to the helipad via a small cart, it was only a few minutes to the airport. In less than five minutes, the guys went from Riley's helicopter parking in the hangar to being back in the air in Riley's privet jet. All four of them slept for the majority of the trip, but Riley woke up Trent and Geoff to discuss their plan and have a light breakfast.

"Okay, I have it all worked out. We'll take the helicopter from the airport to the outskirts of Toronto to the scene where Courtney and Catrina died," Riley said.

"Yeah, that works," Trent replied.

"Oh, by the way, great breakfast man," Geoff commented.

"You're welcome," Riley responded.

The three of them sat at the table when the pilot came through the PA system and said, "Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Please buckle up as we are preparing for our decent into Toronto Pearson."

As soon as they landed in Toronto they boarded another one of Riley's helicopters, one of many he has stationed in various airports all over the globe. With Riley's connections they were able to get off the jet and get on the helicopter without having to go through all the pesky customs checks, even though everyone else was a native-born Canadian. Trent had given Riley the location of where the accident occurred and Riley passed it on to the helicopter pilot. The trip took only a few minutes, they flew over the city of Toronto until they reached a country road outside the city. The helicopter landed on the road and the passengers all made their way to the door.

Duncan got out first and asked, "Wait, why did we come here?"

Riley, standing next to him, replied, "Look, this is where the accident happened."

"Yeah, I know that, and yet there are still no bodies here nor where there bodied here years ago."

"Duncan, just look at the ground, it's so dark," Riley said pointing at the exact location where the accident occurred, leaving the ground burnt.

"Anything that got caught in that fire would have been incinerated faster than Corrine Foxworth on December 23, 1983. Sorry, a friend of mine told me that, I have no idea what I'm talking about," Riley awkwardly added.

A wooden cross was placed on the dark ground by Courtney's family to commemorate her and her daughter's lives years ago, and it still stood to this day. Out of nowhere, a horse appeared and took a bite from the dirt. This ended up being a terrible mistake as in the following moment the horse stood on its two back legs, neighed loudly, and collapsed on the road.

"You see, the ground is so full of toxins that it killed a horse. Do you really think two people could survive the event that put those poisons into the ground?" Riley asked.

Duncan looked at the ground and replied, "I guess not."

"Look Duncan, it's okay if you miss her, but it's time to move on. It's time to get into a healthy relationship. No more calling escorts."

"Wait, what?" Duncan asked nervously.

"That's right, don't think I don't know who you were calling."

Everyone laughed for a while until the sound of car horns brought an end the moment.

"Ugh, God, hold on! We'll get the helicopter out of the way!" Riley screamed.

Since it appeared that Duncan had accepted that Courtney and Catrina were dead, they decided they could go back.

As they boarded the helicopter, Trent asked, "Hey guys, I left my phone charger back home. Can we stop in New York real quick and get it?"

"Just buy another one," Duncan suggested.

"Yeah, but then I'll have two, and I would have just wasted money on another one."

"Ugh, come on Trent!" Duncan yelled.

The helicopter took off, probably damaging all the cars waiting behind the helicopter, but neither of them checked. They went back to the airport and returned to California, forcing Trent to buy a new phone charger when they landed. They slept some more on the flight back and arrived at around eleven local time. When they returned to the Othersiders Mansion they all sat in one of the living rooms discussing the trip.

"Really you guys, especially you Riley, thanks for helping me accept Courtney and Catrina's deaths," Duncan said.

"Ah, it was nothing," Riley said.

After Riley finished talking, his son, Matthew, appeared to the right of him and pulled on his shirt.

Riley looked down at his son while Matthew asked, "Hey Daddy, do you know what today is?"

"Uh," Riley replied.

"It's my birthday!" Matthew screamed, catching Riley off guard.


	6. Can't I Get A Royal Flush This One Time?

While their fathers were in Canada, the Coleman, Lopez, and Mullard kids were sleeping in the garage. Lauren, Sky, Gabriella, and Bailey were asleep in a half-destroyed limousine while Andrew lay on the floor face first with Freddie cuddled on top of him. Nathan was hanging out of the door to the passenger seat. Half of his body was still in the limo while the other half was outside. His body balanced between inside and the outside of the limo, but the door of the damaged limo finally gave out, sending Nathan to the floor.

Nathan got up from the floor, stretched his sore body, and exclaimed, "Oh, God."

He turned over to everyone else and said, "Hey guys, wake up. Wake up."

While the girls got out of the limo and Freddie got off Andrew, Nathan asked, "Where are we?"

Right after Nathan asked where they were Matthew entered from the door behind him, drinking from a mug, and said, "Oh, you guys are alive."

Nathan turned to Matthew and asked, "Matthew, why are we in the garage? And why is the limo destroyed?"

"You guys are going to want to come inside for this," Matthew said before he turned around and left the garage.

All of the kids entered the mansion and followed Matthew into one of his private rooms. There was long curved table in front of the desk where Matthew sat in his large revolving desk chair and turned his back to the others. There were plants and a coffee maker on the side of the desk, there was even an American flag hanging above the computer monitors. He typed something into a keyboard and many different images popped up on the various computer monitors stacked behind the desk.

Matthew turned back to face the others and asked, "I have to ask, you guys don't remember anything from last night?"

"No, I can't recall anything," Freddie responded.

"Well, I guess I should tell you what happened," Matthew said.

Matthew told the kids that after dinner he had decided to take them out on the town. They had left the mansion and headed for the city's Chinatown district. Matthew himself, a four year old, drove the limo and parked in an alley behind a Chinese restaurant. The alleyway was steep, making the level of the building that the limo is parked next to the basement. The sun had already set and some homeless people had set up a bonfire in a trash can outside the restaurant while the kids were waiting to go inside. Matthew informed the kids about where they were about to enter and knocked hard on the back door of the restaurant leading someone on the inside to slide open the speakeasy peephole and look at the kids.

"Eh, what you want!" Exclaimed the man behind the door in a Chinese accent.

Matthew cut into the man's rant and replied, "Cut the crap Chang, let us in."

Chang, a middle-aged Asian man with thin dark hair and glasses dressed in a white shirt and pants and a black vest and tie, opened the door and let the kids in. The back door led them to the basement of the building where the restaurant owners ran an underground casino. There was a large table in the middle of the room where a group of businessmen sat gambling. Matthew took a seat next to the businessmen and turned back to the kids to tell them to gamble.

"So, what are we playing?" Matthew asked.

"Texas Hold'em," one of the men replied.

Matthew nodded his head in response, agreeing to play a game. A woman with long black hair and a plate of drinks in her hand approached Matthew and asked him what he'd like to drink. Matthew asked for some gin and a cool _Heineken_ to be delivered to him before he left the casino. The woman turned around, but before she could go to the where the liquor was kept, Matthew turned around and slapped her rear. Matthew's subjugation of the woman got laughs out of the businessmen at the table, a group laugh Matthew soon joined.

For the next couple hours the other kids spent all of their money while Matthew kept funneling money into the game. Matthew ran out of cash, luckily the casino had installed card readers if the players ran out of cash. The other kids spent all of their own money and the money they borrowed from the Coleman sisters. Matthew thought he had a chance at winning the game when he presented a four of a kind. Unfortunately the dealer, another middle-aged Chinese man except this man had really defined cheekbones, informed Matthew that another player had a straight flush.

After losing that game, Matthew screamed, "Can't I get a royal flush this one time?!"

Freddie went up to Matthew to ask him when they were going to leave but he ended up saying, "Uh, Matthew. Not to say that this wasn't fun, but isn't this illegal?"

Since Matthew had been drinking he was much more agitated, he replied, "Yeah, so what?"

"Well, you're risking doing hard time and you're not even that good at this game," Freddie said jokingly, unfortunately Matthew did not take it that way.

Matthew got out of his chair, pulled out his knife, held it next to Freddie's chest, and screamed, "Don't fuck with me Freddie! Don't you go around saying that shit!"

Fortunately for Freddie, before Matthew could use his knife on him, three police officers broke the door and aimed their guns inside. The casino owners were through; their underground casino was discovered by the authority. Matthew knew the owners would do anything to keep their casino, that' when he came up with a perfect idea that would benefit both him and the owners. He asked the dealer for a complete refund in exchange for getting rid of the police. The dealer thought his options over, but he ended up deciding to return Matthew his money. Getting the money back from the dealer was the hard part, getting rid of the police would be a piece of cake. He turned back to Freddie and told him to watch.

Matthew walked away from the table so that the police officers could see him and said, "Okay cops, don't shoot, I'm not an unarmed Black teen. I'm a White kid packing heat. Listen, I like coming here, so get the hell out of here and I better not hear of any of you guys coming back here!"

The officers began to panic, remembering stories of people who have angered Matthew, and one replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry Mr. Litman. It will never happen again."

As everyone but Matthew had lost all of their money and the raid on the casino had killed the vibe, everyone decided that it had come time to leave. The woman returned to Matthew and gave him the _Heineken_ he asked for when he sat down at the table. Matthew took a drink from the bottle and kicked the door to the alleyway. The door flung wide open but returned and nearly closed back because the kick was so strong. As he stumbled out of the building, he sang a line from the song "El Rey" by Vicente Fernández.

Matthew sang using the bottle as a microphone, "Con dinero y sin dinero. Yo hago siempre lo que quiero. Y mi palabra es la ley."

He turned to the rest of the kids and said, "Hey, you guys, come on, let's go. We have to go do something before we go home though.


	7. You Guys Might Want To Look Into That

The Lopez and Mullard kids got nervous when Matthew got in the driver's seat. They had all heard the stories of accidents caused by drunk drivers, but this was the only way to get home without having to tell their parents where they were. As the oldest, Nathan agreed to sit in the passenger's seat and watch Matthew's driving skills. Even though he was drunk, Matthew's driving skills were not that impaired from Nathan's point of view. He kept taking sips from his bottle and sang to different songs from different regions in Mexico. While he sang a Ranchera as they left the casino, Matthew was now singing a Norteño, "Tragos Amargos" by Ramón Ayala.

He lead out a loud "Grito Mexicano" and sang, "Tragos de amargo licor, que no me hacen olvidar, y me siento como un cobarde que hasta me pongo a llorar."

Matthew turned to Nathan and asked, "You must have heard these songs growing up, didn't you?"

"Um, no, I didn't," replied Nathan.

"Oh, I though because your name's Lopez you did," Matthew said.

"Actually, my dad's Spanish, not Mexican," Nathan added.

"Okay, and for the record, I know there's a difference. I bet people always say 'What's the difference' when you tell them you're Spanish and not Mexican. It's just that people are stupid. I know the difference, I've been to Spain. The women in Spain are much more attractive, their heads aren't all round and their eyebrows aren't thin and curved," Matthew replied.

"Great," Nathan said as he returned to focus on the road.

"Well, I guess we don't need to listen to Ramón Ayala anymore. Let's listen to something a little more suited to the occasion," Matthew said as he switched the playlist on his phone and played "We Drive Drunk" by Rucka Rucka Ali.

As Matthew stopped in a residential area of a bad neighborhood, he got out of the seat and looked for something behind him.

When he pulled out what he was looking for, Nathan looked at Matthew with a surprised look on his face and asked, "Is that an AK-47?"

"Yep," Matthew replied.

Matthew parked the limo in front of a house where a group of men were hanging out and drinking in the front lawn with music playing on an old Boombox. A few months ago, while the Othersiders and the Colemans were rescuing Kc after she was kidnapped by two Separatist agents, Jackie confessed to Matthew that she was pregnant. This did not go over that well with Matthew because, as Jackie pointed out, he "would no longer be the baby of the mansion." Jackie even asked Matthew how he felt about this, to which he responded he was fine with it. The truth was before Matthew responded he had a fantasy where he hit Jackie over the head with a pick axe, "taking" her out. He would then put her body in the back of one of his cars and drive off and meet up with two of the guys, Rodrigo and Santiago, who were on the lawn. He gave them the body and paid them with an expensive jewel. He then continued fantasizing that the two men would load the body onto their plane and fly back to their native Nicaragua and dump her body in the jungle so it could be found, roasted, and eaten by a cannibalistic indigenous tribe.

Matthew conflated his fantasy and reality and believed that he had paid the men to dispose of Jackie but she was still alive and walking around the mansion. The thought of having paid someone in advance to do a job for him and then not doing it infuriated Matthew.

He lowered the window, stuck the AK-47 out the window, and screamed, "Hey, you asswipes! You think you can screw me out of my money, guess again!"

He pulled the trigger of the firearm and shot Rodrigo and Santiago, the two guys he thought had tried to dupe him out of his money, and another man, Julio, who was hanging out with the group. After the surviving three members of the group saw their friend's lifeless bodies lying on the floor, they got their guns and ran towards their vehicles to pursue the limo that had just left the scene.

"Driving drunker than a Lohan. Sipping Rum and Coke and Pissing in a Coke can. Speedometer's broken. Sipping on Bacardi. Winning like I'm Charlie! Listening to Marley. Watching some iCarly," Matthew sang as he drove off.

The surviving people got in their vehicles; one got in his car while the others got on motorcycles and began to pursue the limo. As all three men caught up with the limo Matthew came up with a plan to get rid of them. He told Nathan that there was a shovel behind him, just like the AK-47. Nathan picked up the shovel and did what Matthew said, he threw it out the window to hit one of the motorcycles. The shovel tumbled on the road and hit Jaime, the man riding the dirt bike. Jaime wore a shirt with horizontal black and white stripes, similar to an old prion uniform. He sported a thick black mustache, and black hair with quite long sideburns. He held out a pistol and was about to shoot the limo until the shovel hit the front wheel of his dirt bike. Since Jaime only had one hand on the dirt bike and the hit of the shovel startled him, he lost control and began to swerve. The dirt bike fell over, began to tumble, and hit Daniel, a man with thick brown hair wearing a red biker jacket with black over the chest holding a revolver to his head. Daniel was sitting in the middle of the road, about to pull the trigger, before the tumbling dirt bike hit him and exploded, killing him and Jaime.

Even though one of the pursuers had been dealt with, there were still two others following them. Matthew tried swerving but all this did was make him crash into a streetlight and destroy the front of the limo. The two other men took the advantage and began to shoot at the limo with a rifle and a pistol. The shots destroyed the back windows, and both the impact and the shots brought down the rood of the vehicle, exposing all of the frightened kids. As the car took more and more powerful hits from both bullets and crashes Nathan pointed out that all hope was lost, but Matthew has something hidden up his sleeve. As they dealt with the dirt bike rider, Matthew alerted the police of what was going on. The limo took more and more hits and right when it looked like the two surviving men would take their lucky shot, an armed police truck appeared on the other side of the road and began firing on the two men. Similar to what happened to Jaime, Enrique, the dark bearded driver of a red convertible wore the same type of jacket that Daniel wore and a rolled up grey ski mask on the top of his head, began to swerve when the police's bullets hit his car. This swerving caused him to lose control of the wheel and tumble like Jaime. This tumbling caused the convertible to crash into Arnoldo's black motorcycle. Arnoldo wore a red hat, a red shirt with blue sleeves, had a gold tooth, and had a bit of stubble. In one final act similar to Jaime, Enrique and Arnoldo died when both vehicles exploded after the car tumbled out of control.

Matthew drove as fast as he could to get away from the scene as soon as possible. He could finally relax after the police contacted him that they had taken care of the last two men. Matthew cheered once he heard the news, but to his surprise Nathan had passed out. He turned over to look at the back of the limo and noticed that all of the other kids were also unconscious. He realized that the powerful blows the limo had taken probably knocked them out, but instead of panicking he continued on his route back to the Othersiders Mansion. Once he arrived to the property Matthew passed through all of the security checkpoints with ease. All of the guards could see that it was Matthew who was driving the limo, plus this was not the first time Matthew came home late at night in a wreaked vehicle.

As Matthew parked the limo in the garage the kids woke up in, he took his bottle of _Heineken_ , stumbled his way to his room, and called out to his mother, "Mamá, ocupó papel del baño, ya me cagué!"

(Mom, I need toilet paper, I crapped my pants!)

"So yeah, that's what happened," Matthew said wrapping up his story.

Freddie caught Matthew's attention when he asked, "But, why can't we remember what happened?"

"That might be the result of a huge concussion. You guys might want to look into that," Matthew replied without emotion, as if it were nothing serious.


	8. It's Showtime!

Following being told what had happened last night, all the kids went up to a living room. The Lopez brothers, Coleman sisters, and Bailey sat on the couches and recliners and watched an episode of _The Othersiders_ with the surround sound on. The Lopezes and Mullards knew a bit about the Othersiders; they were ghost hunters turned heroes for standing up to the occupying Lopez Federation, a corporation that now allies itself with the enemy, the Separatist Union. Now that they watched the show, they now could better understand the real people beneath their public celebrity appearances.

In the scene they were watching, Riley said, "Alright guys, we're heading down to the Santa Anita Race Track, and even though it's reportedly haunted, it's still a working race track."

Freddie was not seated on a couch or recliner, he was standing behind them but he turned his attention to another person not watching the show. Matthew was standing on the balcony, drinking from a Champagne glass and screaming at the people below. Freddie decided to approach Matthew and see what he what he was up to.

Freddie looked at Matthew and asked, "Matthew, what are you doing out here?"

"I'm just heckling the media," Matthew replied.

Below the balcony, a couple of reporters were stationed, reporting on the party. If he focused really hard, Freddie could hear what the reporters.

A _BBC_ reported, a Blonde woman in a grey pantsuit, said into her microphone and camera with a British accent, "And we'll have full coverage of the festivities for the fifth birthday of Matthew Litman all day long."

An _Al Jazeera_ reporter, a man with Brown hair and wearing a blue suit, reported, "Both Riley and Matthew Litman are scheduled to give short speeches before the party officially begins. What will they say? We'll keep you posted."

A _Telemundo_ reporter, a man with tanned skin and Black hair and moustache and wearing a black vest, said, "Y vemos que hay muchos Mexicanos preparando el patio interior para la fiesta. Como están tratando nuestros paisanos? Nosotros lo reportamos. Se que canales como estos pertenecen a Cubanos, pero mi raza, los Mexicanos, son los que ven estos canales."

Both kids saw the _Telemundo_ reporter dance before Matthew asked Freddie, "Do you want to throw water balloons at Wolf Blitzer?"

"No thanks, I'm fine," Freddie replied.

"You sure? We could also throw water balloons at Erin Burnett, Anderson Cooper, Don Lemon. You know, everybody who works for 'Fake News.'"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far and call them 'Fake News,' it's kind of mean and unjust."

"Aw, so naïve," Matthew said before he left the balcony.

In about an hour, Matthew had to give a press conference, officially kicking off his birthday party. He went over to his private bathroom, turned on some music, and began to get ready. He undressed, taking off all of his clothes and throwing them to the side. He walked into the shower completely naked and sat on the bench personally made for him. Matthew used his best bath products and used a back scrubber to clean every last inch of his body, even the spaces between his toes. Most of the time Matthew spent in the shower was spent sitting under the shower head, letting the water run down his body. It was very therapeutic, despite the fact that it wasted a lot of water. Sure, Matthew knew California was in a drought since before he was born, but that didn't for him. You see, he was rich, and that meant he could do whatever he wanted.

Once he decided he'd had enough of sitting under a steady stream of water, Matthew got off the bench and shut off the flow of water. By shutting off the water, the body dryers automatically ignited. Poles on the corners of the shower room began to spew out air from many different holes, drying off Matthew. Now that he was dry, Matthew walked out of the shower and sat down on a black salon chair. His stylist, a brown haired woman named Cheryl, came into the bathroom and began to work on Matthew's hair after putting some light makeup. She had a hair dryer in one hand and a bottle of hairspray in the other, and she molded his hair with both. While he was getting his hair done, Matthew looked up at the wall admired a mosaic of himself. He had commissioned a mosaic of himself, dressed in a white peaked cap with gold laces on the black visor, gold epaulettes, a collection of military ribbons, and sunglasses to be constructed and placed on the wall in front of him.

Although, this mosaic was small compared to the one on the other side of the bathroom. The other mosaic illustrated the ancient Greek myth of Narcissus. Matthew didn't just have this myth turned into a piece of art to pay homage to his own Greek heritage; he had the mosaic built as a reminder that he and the mythical hunter shared many similarities. He was the best, and Narcissus was the second best, person to ever roam the Earth. Matthew knew he was better since he was not as stupid as Narcissus. Matthew knew that the image of the perfect person in a reflective material was just his own reflection; he would not waste his life admiring himself when he could spend his life making others admire him.

Matthew turned the chair around and faced the mosaic of Narcissus after Cheryl finished doing his hair. He had a handheld mirror in his hands and held it up to his face and admired himself. As Matthew kissed his own reflection in his handheld mirror, his fashion coordinator, Tony, brought out the clothes Matthew would wear at his party. Tony brought out a white dress shirt, a black tie, a black suit, and a pair of grey slacks and handed them over to Matthew. Both Cheryl and Tony stood by as Matthew put on his clothes. The entire process was done once Matthew folded a white handkerchief into a one-point pocket square and put it in his suit pocket. Now that he was fully dressed, Matthew walked out of his bathroom and to a waiting room where the other kids were waiting. Nathan rested his knees on a chair as he leaned backwards on the chair to talk to Lauren.

After Matthew walked into the room and got everyone's attention, he clapped his hands and spread his arms out as he enthusiastically exclaimed, "It's showtime!"


	9. I Think We Should Stop Fighting

The time had come for Matthew to give a short press conference in front of the international media. Matthew walked out of the mansion with the kids following him and headed to the backyard where all of his guests were waiting to hear him speak and initiate the celebration. Matthew's birthday party was a media sensation all over the world. Everyone from Vancouver to London to Tel Aviv to Tokyo were glued to their televisions or mobile devises that streamed a live feed of the party. While many people could watch the festivities at their leisure, many people around the world couldn't because of censorship. That was the case for the Zhang family from Ningyang, Shandong Province, China. The Zhang's, along with every other person in China and other member nations, or de facto members like China, in the international coalition known as the Separatist Union could not legally watch Matthew Litman's birthday party since the Othersiders were the enemy. They embodied the success that the NATO alliance propagated to the world, and the governments that were both members and oriented towards their rival, the SU, could not have their citizens exposed to those kinds of people.

It was a bit before Seven in the morning and Gang, a five year old Chinese boy in a red cap, walked into the bedroom of his sleeping parents, Jiahao and Li. Jiahao was a mechanic who made enough money to buy his family a desktop computer with internet access, unfortunately they lived in a country with a regime hell-bent on keeping their citizens uninformed and misinformed of events happening around the world. Fortunately, the Zhang family had software installed on their computer that let them enter blocked websites the Chinese government had blocked using _The Great Firewall of China_. It was a rare occasion that the family would use the computer to learn about the world outside their own country's borders, but today featured just that. Gang walked up to the foot of his parent's bed and shook them until they awoke from their sleep.

"Māmā, bàba, xǐng lái! Mǎ xiū·lì tè màn de shēngrì pàiduì jíjiāng kāishǐ wǎngshàng liú," Gang said.

(Mom, Dad, wake up! Matthew Litman's birthday party is about to start streaming online.)

Jiahao turned on the computer and logged onto a website streaming the event. For a while all the Zhang family saw was an outside wall of the Othersiders mansion with the flag of the United States and a flag based on the logo of the show _The Othersiders_ ; a dark blue flag with white smudges, a light blue ring in the center with a ghostly figure in the center, and the words 'The Othersiders' written in the center, mounted on indoor flagpoles in between the wall and a podium with many microphones. The indoor flagpoles were brought in from a storage room where they waited to appear in special events such as this one. After a few more minutes, something finally happened; Riley appeared from the corner and began to speak to everyone watching.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, today is a very special occasion. Today marks the five-year anniversary of one of the most important events in modern human history. Five years ago today, Obama got the balls to initiate the war that is still giving Putin the finger. Also, it's my son's fifth birthday," Riley jokingly said resulting in the audience breaking out in laughter.

"I kid the former President, by the way how's the post-presidency's golfing going? You can golf without being told you aren't working now," Riley said continuing the joke as the scene turned from the podium to the table where former President Obama was sitting at.

"We have a great party planned for you guys, and my entire family hopes you enjoy it. But without further a due, give a round of applause for the man of the hour, my son, Matthew A.T. Litman," Riley said before he turned to hug Matthew who had just gotten to the podium.

Riley put his hands on his son's shoulders and looked down at him with a comforting look on his face before he walked away, leaving Matthew alone at the podium.

Now that he was at the podium, Matthew adjusted the microphones from all of the different networks covering the event, and said, "The name 'Matthew' means 'gift of God,' and I would say that there is no better name for me. Shout out to God for making me this way. No, seriously, he's sitting over there in the corner, but back to me. It's an honor, for you guys at least, to be here at my fifth birthday party. We have the best entertainment in the world, the best food, the best drinks, the best everything for this special occasion, so enjoy it. Oh, and one more thing; Mexico, they're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists, and some, I assume, are good people. Also, in regard to the outcome of the 2014 World Cup match between Mexico and the Netherlands on June 29th, 'Sí fue penal!'"

He raised his hands in the air and exclaimed, "Enjoy the party!"

As Matthew left the podium behind him the music began and the party officially began. He waived at the cameras and at the people who were sitting at their tables watching him get to his table. Most of the world watched Matthew deliver his speech and get to his table and enjoy his party, but the Zhang's experience was cut short. The family was watching Matthew leaving the podium, but those images were soon replaced by the images of the Chinese President Xi Jinping rubbing his nipples with his two index fingers in a circular motion with the text "You've been disconnected from the site because you suck balls" written in Simplified Mandarin on the bottom of the image. The Chinese officials that monitor the nation's internet were finally able to override the software on the Zhang's computer and broke the news to them in a quite ironic name, using vulgar phrases popular in the American media they loved to watch. This turn of events caught the family off-guard, causing them to panic and leave the website.

Back in California, Matthew made his way to the table where he would be sitting down with Lauren, her sisters, and her friends. As he walked back to the table, Freddie and Andrew rested their knees on the chair as they leaned backwards, like Nathan was when he was talking to Lauren, in order to watch Matthew. Once Matthew made it to his chair both Lauren and Bailey congratulated him on his speech.

"Wow, great speech Matthew," Lauren said.

"Yeah, I never thought I would hear Mexico be integrated into a speech like that again," Bailey added.

Matthew nodded in response and the table sat back and waited to be served. The servers had brought out the party guest's main dish, a Steak, Fish, or a Gourmet Burger, as the entertainment set up for their performance. Many of the guests left their tables and went off to the dance floor; others of them went to the bar to taste some of the top-notch beverages available. Two of the bar's patrons were Nick and Tom Jones, brothers who were cousins of Fred Jones, the airport worker the Lopezes and Mullards met.

Rick, the bartender who had brown hair, wore a blue tie, a white shirt, and a black vest, turned around after checking the shelves behind him and asked the brothers as he pointed at all the options, "Good evening, what will it be gentlemen? We have a great selection."

Nick, who wore khaki pants, a red shirt with navy blue sleeves, and a red cap, asked the bartender, "Please give us your most European beverage."

Rick had four black bottles with foreign symbols on the cover written in silver laid out in front of him, he pointed at each as he described them by saying, "Well, we've got the Near-open front unrounded vowel, or _Æ_ , from Denmark. The Close-mid front rounded vowel, or _Ø_ , from Norway is another popular choice. You can also choose O with diaeresis, or _Ö_ , from Iceland. And of course A with ring, or _Å_ , from Sweden is another option as well."

As the two brothers stared in compete confusion at the beverage choices, the entertainment, two ballet dancers, walked on stage. A friend of Kc's family and the man who helped Riley become rich, William Anderson, suggested his twin great-niece and great-nephew, Darren and Deidre Marquet, for the entertainment. The two siblings were children of a famous ballet dancer who was paralyzed during an accident on stage, and the grandchildren of two other famous ballet dancers, one of which was William's older sister.

The two blond twins danced around the stage in clothing modeled after those worn in the Renaissance period. At many times the siblings came together and embraced each other. Deidre would wrap her right leg around her brother's legs and put her arms around his waist while Darren stroked his sister's cheek. These particular moments caught many in the audience off guard as they did not expect to see this much amount of sensuality from the performers. Once the announcer informed the audience that the Marquet twins had finished their performance, Andrew asked Matthew a question about the taste of his food.

"Matthew, I don't mean to be rude, but this Bacon tastes a bit weird," Andrew said.

Matthew knew exactly what was wrong, and replied, "Oh yeah, Ted Cruz cooked the Bacon with his machine gun."

He was quick to point at the Texas senator shooting rounds into the air at a station called "Ted Cruz's Artillery Grill-ery" where once the Bacon wrapped on the barrel of the firearm turned from raw red to cooked brown, he bit into the Bacon and said, "Mmm, Machine Gun Bacon, ha ha ha."

After the kids learned how the bacon was cooked, Matthew commented, "You won't believe what 'Lyin' Ted' will do for a quick buck."

"Anyways, I guess it's time to go around and say hello to all of these people. I might as well start with President Clinton," Matthew said unenthusiastically.

As Matthew got out of his chair and began to personally thank everyone Andrew turned to his brother and asked, "Nathan, President Clinton? Do you know what that means?"

Nathan just stared at Andrew until he said, "It's not everyday you get to meet the President of the United States."

A few hours had passed and the party seemed to be a success. After dinner, Riley took responsibility of examining all of the gifts the guests had bought for Matthew. Fortunately, all of the gifts met the strict standards he set up to please his son and keep him from making a scene. As he sent the gifts to be opened Riley though about the causality dilemma that many nouveau riche parents face, is my pampering making my child act crazy or is my child acting crazy making me pamper him? Even though Riley grew up with some money, not as much as he had now but way more than the average American did, he knew which option was true.

Virtually everyone's attention had turned to Matthew while he was opening his gifts, except for Bridgette who came in running with a gift in her hand and saying, "I'm sorry I didn't put my gift out before, but I was wrapping it."

Riley took the gift from Bridgette and carefully undid the pieces of tape on the side, exposing a cheap pharmacy toy, leading Riley to ask, "You got Matthew this?"

"Um yeah, we didn't know what to get him so I bought him this," Bridgette replied.

Riley pointed at the sticker price and said, "You left the sticker price on, ten dollars."

"Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. I should have taken that off," Bridgette said as she took the gift back from Riley and began to take the sticker price off with her nails.

While Bridgette's only concern was taking off the sticker, Riley thought over what he would do next, he decided that something had to be done and said, "You know Bridgette, you shouldn't be giving Matthew gifts like these. I'm sorry but I have to do this."

It was then that Riley pulled him arm back, made a fist, and punched Bridgette in the chest. Bridgette was in shock, she bought the birthday boy a gift and the boy's father punched her, while Riley reasoned that such action was necessary since Bridgette had purchased such a thoughtless present. At first it seemed that Riley's punch had scared Bridgette straight and taught her a lesson, that was until she punched Riley, showing off the skills she learned in her self-defense class.

Once Bridgette struck Riley the both of them knew that they were going to fight. Riley made the first move and began hit Bridgette with both his fists and legs. Bridgette may have taken self-defense classes, but Riley had a black belt in Taekwondo and he was not afraid to use his skills. With every kick and punch both of them threw they moved away from the table where the gifts were originally places. The fight took Riley and Bridgette across the backyard of the mansion, from the stage, to the dance floor, to the table where all of the gifts had been moved.

While Riley and Bridgette fought, Matthew received his birthday gift from his father, a tan Coelophysis with green marking on its back, neck, and legs, and replied, "Oh cool, a real life dinosaur."

"Yeah, your father went all _Jurassic Park_ and bred a dinosaur out of some DNA. It's really an achieveme...oh get out of the way!" Kc said as she moved Matthew out of the way of his father and Bridgette.

The two continued exchanging blows for quite a while, causing everyone's attention to turn to the fight, including the Mansion's security. This lack of supervision gave way for a party crasher to come busting down the gate. The intruders rode in a blue and grey Lopez Federation AAT-1 Hover Tank with two B-1 Battle Droids, one standing on each side. Once the Hover Tank made its way to the outskirts of the tables set out for the party guests, the hatch of the turret was opened by the commander, the wife of a prominent figure in the Separatist Union.

"Ah ha, it is I, Kendall Perkins-Boxwood! Okay look, I'm here to raise hell, so why don't you all just get close together so I don't have to shoot this thing so many times," the blonde haired woman told the crowd of party guests.

Even though his home was literally under attack Riley didn't stop fighting, fortunately his fighting ended up saving the day. The two mindless fighters made their way onto the Hover Tank which lead to Kendall ordering the two Battle Droids to attack them. The rapid movements both Riley and Bridgette made confused the Battle Droid on the right side and led to it being shot by the droid on the left as it got in the way. The droid on the right responded by firing its weapon before disabling, bringing down the other droid as well. Kendall watched nervously as her two soldiers were destroyed and as Riley approached closer to her. Riley and Bridgette both climbed up the latter on the side of the Hover Tank up to the turret and continued their brawl up there. The pandemonium lead to one of them aiming the primary cannon to the ground by accidentally moving the controllers and another accidental move lead to the cannon firing, lifting the Hover Tank a bit on its side and sending Riley, Bridgette, and Kendall to the ground.

Two armed mansion security guards approached the tank and shot the Battle Droids inside the tank. Kendall was handcuffed, arrested for her stunt, and was put in a cell until Riley decided what to do with her. As they lied on the ground while catching their breath, both Riley and Bridgette decided that the fight had to stop.

"I, I think we should stop fighting," Riley said as he took deep breaths.

"Sure," Bridgette replied.

"Even though I one hands down," Riley stipulated.

"Whatever," Bridgette said, trying to put the event behind her.


	10. What Time

More time passed and for the most part the party was a success. The party guests enjoyed the various snacks placed out for them, danced on the dance floor, and hung out with other important figures from around the world. Time flew by when everybody was having this much fun that nobody noticed that it was now nine o'clock. At this time a tall, white, three-tiered cake with the words 'Happy Fifth Birthday Matthew' written in red frosting was wheeled out in a cart and placed on a table so that the party guests and the viewers from around the world could admire the pastry. All of the network's cameras turned to get some footage of the cake and of the Othersiders and the Colemans getting their photo taken at the cake.

First off, The Othersiders and Coleman family surrounded the cake while Matthew stood in front of the cake. After the main picture, the Litman family got their picture taken; Matthew stood in the middle while Riley, Riley's brother Jordan, Riley's father Mark, and Riley's mother Tamara surrounded the cake. The Costonis family took a similar approach with Matthew in the middle, Kc to the right of her son, and Kc's parents Kevin and Patricia on Matthew's left. Sam and Jackie, Zack, and the Colemans had similar pictures taken with Matthew.

After the photo op was over, Dan, a man with brown hair dressed in white pants and a black vest approached the cake with a step stool, a candle and lighter. He set the step stool behind the table the cake was placed so that Matthew could reach the candle he placed on the top tier of the cake. Once Dan placed and lit a candle of the number five Matthew climbed up the step stool to be able to blow out the candle. Matthew stood taller than all of the people in attendance thanks to the step stool; he loved moments like this, moments where no one could deny how much more superior he was. He towered over an entire crowd, not to mention the billions of people around the world watching the event, who sang the "Happy Birthday" song to him, and he enjoyed every second of it. Once the song came to an end Matthew was ready to blow out the candle, he even had his wish in mind; keep Jackie from giving birth so that he would remain the "Baby of the Mansion" forever. Matthew inhaled a lot of air but before he was able to exhale and blow out the candle he heard a cry of pain coming from the audience. At first he didn't think much about it, but he began to care once he saw that no one was paying any attention to him.

Sitting at the table where all of the Othersiders were seated, Jackie cried out in pain, "My water just broke! I'm going into labor!"

Sam looked at Jackie with a surprised look on his face and asked, "Labor, you're pregnant?"

"Of course I'm pregnant! Why do you think I'm this big?" Jackie asked.

"I just thought you were getting fat," Sam replied, getting an irritated look from Jackie in response.

"Oh God, this is actually happening!" Sam yelled as he got out of his chair to help pick up his wife.

Sam was both excited and nervous about becoming a father; he was shaking and jumping as he walked with Jackie. Riley recommended traveling in one of his helicopters since it was the fastest way of getting to the hospital. The Othersiders and Coleman family all rushed to the helipad while all of the party guest and cameras followed them, ignoring Matthew.

This lack of attention angered Matthew; he lifted his arms and screamed, "Hey, where are you guys going? It's my birthday!"

Matthew got off the step stool and kicked the table out of anger, causing the cake to fall down, before Riley called out, "Matthew, come on, we have to go!"

Before he would head to the helipad, he grabbed a plate that did not break when he flipped the table over and the cake server to cut a piece of cake that did not touch the ground and place it on the plate along with some extra frosting he scraped off the rest of the cake as he said, "I like the frosting."

Matthew grabbed a clean fork that was still in the packaging and made his way to the helipad. The Othersiders and Coleman family were already on board when he arrived, the helicopter was packed but it was the fastest way to the hospital. As soon as Matthew was on board, Riley closed the door of the helicopter and called the hospital to inform them that they were coming, even though many news networks were reporting the event, not to mention that this story was trending all over social media. The helicopter got off the helipad and flew over all of the party guests and media personnel. Matthew could see the cameras of the media following the helicopter, but also preparing to go to the hospital to report on the birth of Sam and Jackie's child. Although before they got to the point where you could not make out who was on the ground, Matthew noticed Nathan, Andrew, Bailey, and Freddie waving good bye at the people inside the helicopter.

The Othersiders and Coleman family arrived at the hospital ten minutes later; nurses were already waiting on the roof with a wheel chair to take Jackie to a private room. Sam followed the nurses while everyone else was taken to the waiting room. For the next two and a half hours the Litmans, Colemans, and Zack waited for any information on Jackie and her child. Matthew vented his anger about not being the center of attention all over his social media accounts, but all those posts did was give the media some information about what was going on inside.

Eventually, Amy, a nurse, came in and said that the adults could go inside and visit Jackie. She had not yet given birth, but the situation was under control. While the nurse didn't let the kids in because of protocol, Matthew ignored the rules and told the Coleman sisters to follow him to see Jackie. Matthew and the Coleman sisters found their way to the room Jackie was in, she was not having contractions at that moment but when Matthew slammed the door wide open he unleashed a new wave of contractions. Something was special about these contractions, these were the last contractions since she was about to go into the last stage of labor.

"Ahh, the baby is coming out!" Jackie screamed.

"Oh hell no, not on my birthday," Matthew said as he ran to Jackie.

Matthew got in between the stirrups, lifted up Jackie's hospital gown, and tried to push the child back inside Jackie as Zack asked in a nervous and concerned tone, "Matthew, what are you doing?"

"Calm down, don't think this is the first Asian pussy I've touched. All I have to do is keep this kid inside Jackie until after midnight," Matthew replied as he did not intend to share a birthday with the new "Baby of the Mansion."

Jackie screamed in pain as Matthew pushed her child back inside her, she exclaimed, "Matthew, I will try my best to keep my baby inside of me for a few more minutes if you just stop pushing!"

Matthew knew too well to trust someone else with such a serious matter so he kept pushing thus causing Jackie to scream, and those screams caught the attention of a doctor who exclaimed, "Matthew, stop that!"

The doctor was Hank Jones, a very respectable doctor who is also the father of Fred Jones. Hank was just at Matthew's birthday party, but he rushed to the hospital when he heard that Jackie was going into labor. He tried to get Matthew to stop pushing the child back into Jackie but he was unsuccessful. He didn't want to interfere too much since he had heard the stories about people who went against Matthew, but he stood by, ready to act, just in case Matthew did something that could truly harm the child. Matthew struggled with the child for a few more minutes but every time he pushed back the baby came out even more. At this point, Jackie could no longer tolerate the pain of pushing out a child and having it pushed back inside of her, she knew she had to act fast in order to stop the pain she was in. It was at this moment that Jackie summoned the energy to push her child out of her. Once the child made it halfway out of the birth canal Matthew was caught by surprise. He fell backwards and caught a crying newborn in his arms.

Amy the nurse, came into the room, picked up the newborn, and said, "It's a girl."

Amy let Sam cut the Umbilical Cord as Matthew asked in a confused tone, "What time, what time was she born?"

"Well, according to my watch, which is synced up with the NIST-F1 atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado, adjusted for a different time zone of course, this child was born at eleven fifty-nine with fifty-nine seconds PM," Hank said with a smirk as he looked down at Matthew.

Matthew could not believe it, he did all of that work to keep the baby from being born on his birthday, he kicked the foot of the hospital bed and screamed, "No, no, it's not fair! It's my birthday, goddammit! My birthday! My birthday!"

Eventually Matthew tired himself out and fell asleep on a chair next to Lauren. Jackie was so tired after the whole ordeal that she immediately fell asleep after giving birth to her daughter. Sam curled up next to Jackie in the hospital bed and everyone else went to sleep in one of the most uncomfortable positions they had ever slept in. The following morning Matthew woke up with his arms wrapped around Lauren's waist, she didn't seem to mind as she was busy talking with her friends via _Facetime_.

"So, what did you guys do after we left?" Lauren asked her friends.

"Well, we watched all of the guests leave the mansion and head to the hospital, and then Freddie, Nathan, Andrew and I went to sleep in Matthew's bed. It's really comfy," Bailey replied.

Matthew was caught off guard by Bailey's response and asked in an angry tone, "What, you slept in my bed?"

Andrew cut into Bailey's response with a box of chocolates in his hand and said, "Hey guys, have some of these chocolates I found lying around."

Matthew witnessed all of Lauren's friends eating his chocolates full, causing him to exclaim, "You're eating my Alain Ducasse chocolates whole, A _Le Chocolat Box_ is worth one point five million dollars!"

"Calm down Matthew, I'll pay for them," Lauren said trying to calm Matthew down.

Matthew quickly responded, "First off, you borrow money from me. Second of all, the problem is that they don't know how to eat them, and their mine!"

Amy the nurse then walked into the room with the baby wrapped in a white blanket and wearing a white baby beanie, and handed her over to Jackie and said, "Well, we have all of her documentation ready, we just need a name."

Jackie looked at Sam, indicating that she would give their daughter the name they agreed on a few minutes ago, "Her name is Stephanie, Stephanie Ping Hirsch."

Amy walked back to her desk and input Stephanie's name into her system. After a while, Hank walked into the room with Stephanie's birth certificate. He handed it to Sam and asked what he was going to do about the crowds. Sam didn't know what he was talking about and Hank told him to check his phone. Sam pulled out his phone and noticed that there was a large crowd waiting outside the hospital. He thought that a short press conference would be in order, but Hank had something else in mind. He had called his father, the mayor, Joseph Jones, a man who's grandkids and everyone outside the family called 'Grandpa Joe,' and had a police helicopter with a spotlight on standby.

Hank wanted to recreate the opening scene from _The Lion King_ where Rafiki presents Simba to the Pride Lands. Sam and Jackie were hesitant at first due to the fact that their newborn daughter would be hanging outside a window, but who would know how to handle a newborn than a man who is trained to help deliver babies. Eventually they agreed and handed Stephanie over to Hank. Riley opened the window and as soon as Stephanie was outside speakers began to play 'The Circle of Life.' The crowds went crazy when they saw Stephanie; all of the news networks pointed their cameras at her, introducing her to the world. The police helicopter that Hank had organized to come aimed its spotlight onto Stephanie. More and more people joined the crowd outside the hospital and celebrations arose all over the world to welcome Stephanie into the world.

* * *

 **Author's Note: To continue reading about the Othersiders and Coleman family, read my fanfic "** **The Adventures Of Angelica And Friends.** **" It is primarily told from the villain's perspective, but our heroes will appear from time to time.**


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